Welcome to Grandma's House of Blog. Home of all things politically incorrect. You can be young once, but immature forever.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Heard Around Town

A belated Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's out there. That is also extended to all baby's daddies, and guys that have kids running around out there that they may or may not know about. I was with my dad yesterday and we had a great day of BBQ Ribs and relaxation. Keep the jokes and stupid person of the week nominations coming. Now, on to the jokes...

JOKES

Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
A: The black ones steal your watch.

Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog.

Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles?
A: To remind black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.

Q: How did the redneck girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.

Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try and take a rib from a black man?

This Mexican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this Texan sees him. After the Mexican is done the texan asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Mexican smiles, "Senor, we Mexicans don't piss in our hands..."

QUOTES

"The Doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, "Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.""

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?"

"A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy."

SPOTW

LONDON (Reuters) - An email between a highly paid lawyer and a secretary over a tomato ketchup stain has become the talk of legal circles in London, leaving the sender distinctly red-faced.

British media reported with glee the tale of Richard Phillips who emailed the secretary to ask her to pay a four pound ($7.30) dry-cleaning bill after she accidentally spilled tomato ketchup on his trousers.

The secretary, who had just returned to work after her mother died, was so irate she forwarded the email to several colleagues at the firm of Baker & McKenzie, who in turn passed it on to others.

The emails quickly appeared on the Internet and in the press.

"Dear Jenny," the lawyer wrote, "I went to the dry-cleaners at lunch and they said it would cost four pounds to remove the ketchup stains. If you could let me have the cash today that would be much appreciated."

Secretary Jenny Amner replied: "With reference to the email, I must apologize for not getting back to you straight away but due to my mother's sudden illness, death and funeral I have had more pressing issues than your four pounds.

"Obviously your financial need as a senior associate is greater than mine as a mere secretary."

Colleagues had offered to hold a collection to cover the bill but Amner paid it herself.

The law firm was not impressed.

"I can confirm we are aware of the incident," a spokeswoman said. "This is a private matter between two members of staff that clearly got out of hand. We are investigating."

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